Friday, February 13, 2009

A Guide To Surviving Valentines Day

A Guide To Surviving Valentines Day

So the day is upon us.. That... blasted... day. You know. The one where Hallmark wants you to BUY BUY BUY! Forget any meaning, you have to show them you care today and forget any other day! Screw that, I say. If you have to do anything, here's a little handy guide as to what to get them.

Click and locate your standings and act accordingly.

But for the love of god, don't get them chocolate. Why not? Well.. I'm sure the blog above this one will explain it all. And if it's not up yet... well, just wait for it, you'll be puking up your lunch. Muhahahahahahhaa.

I would say that if you have to give them something, don't get them any of the following:

Vermont Teddy Bear Company.

If you use them, I will personally go to you and beat you senseless. Just seeing that ad always pisses me off. You mean to tell me I can get a teddy bear with the gay ass tribal armband tattoo I have so I can give it to my gal, handing over to her an already made voodoo doll of me? NOOOOOO THANK YOU! Not like you can get one to her in time now any way.

Valentine's Tattoo
Just no. It's not romantic and it's pretty fucking stupid. Unless you want to explain to your next girlfriend why you have Mindy on your arm.

Just don't. The blog above this one will tell you why.

Chocolate has several ingredients that can cause euphoria. Unfortunately it has several others that induce a FAT ASS

Double Dating
Why bother? It's suppose to be a day where you spend it with someone else. Forget the whole date idea.

Just don't. The price is three to four times the cost of roses on any other day. Not to mention that EVERY.GOD.DAMN.PERSON.IS.GETTING.THEM! How original to get roses... Oh wait, no it's not. It's not original at all. It's also meaningless. Get them a rose in the middle of August or just because you were thinking of them. Not because it's a specific date in February.

GOD DAMN IT, NO! DON'T. Put the flowers down.

Eating Out
I have gone on and on about this. Service sucks because people who generally don't eat out are out there pissing off your serves with their generous 10% tip. Prices on prefixed menus are awfully high. It's just not worth it.

T.G.I.F or Applebees.
You shouldn't go to these shit holes any other day of the year anyway. But I just have to reaffirm my hate for these shitty places.

If you're going to go out of your way today, just make it something different. Something they'll enjoy. Or you can be like me and make it really low key. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for some BBQ (the true way to anyone's heart) and buying comics. I plan on making it an extremely low key day and staying the fuck away from society, thank you kindly.

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