Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Who Watches The Watchmen's Junk?

Who Watches The Watchmen's Junk?

In an ongoing series of blogs about the upcoming Watchmen movie, I'd be a fool not to jump on this news piece. Late last year, comic purest were trying to figure out if we would see Dr. Manhattan's penis in the film. The answer was a Yes and we settled that. No worries folks, you'll get to see a giant blue wang on March 6th.

I still find it odd that little kids could check this book out at their library and as a buddy of mine told me he saw, little kid have the book in their Dora the Explorer backpack. I'm sure a lot of the themes of the book are lost on them. The whole cold war era scare and the idea that the lines between what makes one the good guy and one the bad guy is blurred. Oh.. not to mention the whole huge blue penis thing...

A little back story. Dr. Manhattan's real name is Jon Osterman. He was in an accident that trapped him in an intrinsic field separator. His atoms were smashed, but, eventually, methodically, he reconstructed himself and came back as a blue skinned superhuman who can do anything because he has a quantum consciousness that reveals time, space, and matter as they are in atomic detail. The short of it is that he's pretty much a God among men.

But the real question that you should be asking should be "But is he a God in the sack?" Which leads us to a rather unusual movie promo. For any given movie you'll see a studio market it in very unique ways. They'll toss out beach balls for a summer movie or give you a random Doll if they're trying to promote a new show like Dollhouse. It's basically free crap that will get you to promote the movie in any way possible. Usually in the form of a free shirt or hat. It's just to get the buzz going on it.

When I found out that one of the promo items for the upcoming Watchmen film is the following thing, well, I'm left wondering if they know the target demographic.

Yup. That's right.. the marketing department at Warner Brothers and Zach Snyder decided that it was a good idea to make a Watchmen condom promo. Remember, Watchmen is a 12 issue comic series from the 80's. I'm not sure if "Getting Laid" is in their pull list, if you catch my drift.

It may be a superhero film, but it's not for kids. It's rated R. So I don't think that is an issue or anything. I just find it very odd and very funny at the same time.

In one point of the book Dr. Manhattan is asking for a reason or at least some justification that the human race is worth saving. Well, I think we can all answer that one by pointing out that we have made Watchmen Condoms as the reason why Mankind is worth saving. Blue Penis.. that's why.

It's a little concerning considering one of the plot lines running in the book was the anyone close to or who had spent long amounts of time with Dr. Manhattan got cancer. Presumably because Dr. Manhattan is a walking nuclear conductor. So don't mind me if I raise my eye brow on wrapping my penis with this Dr. Manhattan condom. Should I warn my partner about this before they find out through some embarrassing television interview that previous lovers have gotten cancer from my rod?

Do you think that Manhattan's ability to synthesize matter led to some kind of prophylactic revolution? And would these condoms glow blue? If they did, I'd be really happy to try one out.
"What happened to the American dream?"
"You're lookin' at it!"

Nothing like a huge blue wang to get a movie off right

On the plus side, going to comic con dressed as Dr. Manhattan is going to be a lot easier. The whole "Paint your body blue" thing was alright till I realized I would have to paint my penis blue. That was the tough sale and it was holding me back. Now that I just need to slip a condom on my junk and it'll finish off the whole blue look, I'll have it easy!

I can't wait for the chance till someone ask why the Watchmen condom box is empty, I'll be ready to respond with "I did it Thirty-five minutes ago."

Oh yeah.. I'm a huge nerd.. I know.

I'd like to take a moment to point out that in no place in this blog did I stoop down to the level of making a blue balls joke. But now that I mention it, at least my wang will match my nuts! ZING!

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