Well what do you know, it's the first day of Hanukkah. Christmas has come early if you're Jewish! Wait, does that mean it's almost time for potato pancakes? Oh my, I don't think I can wait! I have my menorah but, by golly, I can't find any fucking candles to fit in it. You want to know what the Hanukkah miracle is? It's finding candles small enough to fit into that god damn thing.
but even if you do find the candles and you enjoy your potato pancakes, it's still not easy being a Jew during the Holidays. Christmas gets all the attention and while it looks good on paper to get 8 days worth of gifts, it usually ends up being 8 days of really shitty gifts. Like pencils and erasers.
To add to this whole situation, a couple weeks ago in New York, the Hipsters struck the Jewish community as you can see in this New York Post aritcle:
Groups of bicycle-riding vigilantes have been repainting 14 blocks of Williamsburg roadways ever since the city sandblasted their bike lanes away last week at the request of the Hasidic community.
The Hasids, who have long had a huge enclave in the now-artist-haven neighborhood, had complained that the Bedford Avenue bike paths posed both a safety and religious hazard.
As you can see in this following clip, they really did a number on the road.
I have to admit, Religious hazard is still a really weird way to word that. I'm sure there's probably a line in Leviticus against riding human-powered vehicles with an even number of wheels or something like that. Either way, the Hipsters have the laws of God stacked against them.
Where do those hipsters think they get off at?
Scantily clad hipster cyclists attracted to the Brooklyn neighborhood made it difficult, the Hasids said, to obey religious laws forbidding them from staring at members of the opposite sex in various states of undress.
Then again, I'm not Jewish. I know. You're shocked. I mean, I work in the film industry and I have this huge nose and well, I seem to be around a lot of Jewish (by birth or culture) people, that I'm sort of starting to believe that I got a little Jewish in me. So this whole situation is a bit troubling. I don't know which side I really fall under.
I wear a lot of threadless shirts, so that may mean I'm a hipster. I'm also usually found in bars that are located around Silver Lake.. That's not working in my favor. I guess what the real issue here is that I fall into a cultural Jew/Hipster. Jewster. Nah, that can't be a word. It sounds too much like Jester and the last thing I do, especially to my girlfriend, is make laugh.
Hope you enjoy your first night of Hanukkah. Light a candle up for me! HAPPY חֲנֻכָּה!