Saturday, December 12, 2009

Things I Don't Want For Christmas: Freedom Tray

Things I Don't Want For Christmas: Freedom Tray

If you are in the mood to get me anything for Christmas, and chances are you don't, then don't let it be this Freedom Tray (wink wink);

THESE STEEL ENFORCED RUBBER COATED ADJUSTABLE LEGS DON'T RUN! Do you hear that? These mofos are the defining meaning of being American!

I'll be god damned if I buy MY Freedom Tray from some broad with a vague European accent. The best parts of those informercials are always where they show the hardships people had to endure before their products existed.

Why I think the whole concept of the freedom tray is lazy and beyond stupid, I have to take one thing away from all this, why the hell do they call Soda "Pop"? If you call it pop, get the fuck out of my country. I mean, look at this map on the coverage of what regions call whatever what and all that stuff. As you can see, the maps wrong. I've been in a lot of the Florida counties and I have never heard someone use "coke" to refer to any soft drink. It's always used as "Coke" in the red can/polar bear image.

Saying Soda may be elitist, but it is what it fucking is. You don't ask for a Hamburger by saying "Can I get a Big Mac" at every place that sells a Hamburger. We can rest easy knowing that Easter Wisconsin holds strong against the dark tide of "Pop"! Adults call it soda, chldren call it pop, idiots call it coke. It's just that simple. Most of all, morons call things freedom fries and try to sell you or purchase freedom trays.

We live in a nation where 3rd world problems don't matter to us. We are only concern with the first world hardships, much like the following.. Leaf bear claws. Who the fuck needs them to pick up dead leafs on the ground? It's got to be the dumbest thing to possibly invent and/or purchase. If you can't find it in you to pick up some leaves, then perhaps you should just hire that illegal worker for the day.

So by no means, please do not buy me a Freedom Tray.

No comments: