Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Let's Talk About Freedom...

Let's Talk About Freedom...

I'm jumping the gun here. We still have Christmas to get through before we start with the year in review.. in this case, it's going to be a decade in review since we're moving on to a new decade hitting the ten mark. Yup, 2010.. we now have a new digit in the third slot! But since it is the end of the year and we like to remind ourselves of our past, I just wanted to take this time to remind you about Freedom Fries..

This is one of the reasons why I ask if this decade can be over already. Americans as a whole are fiercely proud of their ignorance. It's really quite sad. I will never understand why America labels the French so happily as cowards. The French were consistently very successful violent imperialists and their military helped the US get founded. If you really want to rage against a cowardly European country, it's Italy all the way.

I bet the French are feeling really silly right about now. Oh, what's that? their reaction to all this was;
The Embassy of France in Washington, D.C. made no comment beyond pointing out that French fries come from Belgium. "We are at a very serious moment dealing with very serious issues and we are not focusing on the name you give to potatoes," said Nathalie Loisau, an embassy spokeswoman.
Which is another reason I'm embarrassed to be American when traveling. You're better off calling them Fried Salty Fat Sticks.

Then again, this isn't anything new. Americans have always been the land of shit and during WWI we renamed sauerkraut "liberty cabbage" and Dachshunds "Liberty Dogs". This isn't a joke. We really did that. It's good to know your past so you don't make the same mistakes in the future, right? The reason why we call them hot dogs now is that they were previously hunnish frankfurters but no one could think up an alternative for hamburgers that caught on. I guess n that note, Democracy Steaks sounds pretty good.

What else can we turn into a stupid patriotic symbol? Freedom's Mustard? Did you know that Frenches' released a press release saying that they're not really French so they can save sales. That's really stupid of Americans. How about some alternative to "French" things can we think of to please our narrow minded American minds:

Paris, Freedom
Freedom Onion Soup
Freedom Dip au jus
Freedomed rack of lamb
The Freedom Laundry
Freedom cut green beans
Freedom kissing
Freedom Tickler..

Well, the freedom tickler sounds like a device to be used for enhanced interrogation techniques.

How could we hate a nation that brought us alizee ? Speaking of Alizee.. How about some Freedom Tits?

someone needs to cover that tidday

But you see how silly all this sounds. Perhaps in the coming year we wont fall victim to the mob mentality of renaming shit for the sake of national pride.... ha. Yeah, what the fuck was I thinking. Have you ordered your Freedom tray yet?

I wish I could spend my life thinking up really bad products people buy like that. Till then I'm just going to start selling some Freedom Fries fried in Bacon grease.

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